Countdown to (Day) Zero

And as the water runs over my face and into my mouth, I realise that one day this will be coming from a desalination plant. Extracted from the ocean with a possible dose of residual kak. 

You’d be surprised at the speed of thought during a 90-minute shower.

***

Day Zero looms over Cape Town like a nuclear strike threat from North Korea.  And just like Kim Jung-un, Provincial Government warn that it’s imminent.

Water is becoming a scarce commodity. With only 50 litres of water per person a day, you’re left with a choice between hydration and hygiene, or drinking your bath water. A bottle of sparkling Valpre is the new bubbly. If you smaak a cider, the lemon flavoured Aquelle is lekker.

We are now down to two one-and-a-half -minute showers and the rest of the week you may take a ‘cowboy splush’ - you know; tits, pits and naughty bits. Household fights are now about who gets to kak first, laaste man trek die chain. Everyone’s bowel movements are now in sync, and hopefully not in sink.

So why has National Government done fokkol to assist the situation in Cape Town? The David Icke in me says that it’s because the DA is in charge.  And for a long time Zuma has been trying to get those sticky fingers on the Western Cape, hinting at witch craft and ghosts voting for the DA.

And trouble is brewing in the party. The alliances aren’t democratic behind the scenes ne. Airing their dirty laundry in the midst of a ‘disaster’ - as Helen is now so quick to call it. The same Helen Zille whose home allegedly exceeded the daily consumption limit by over 200 litres per person not too long ago and then claimed she has a natural spring running under her house.  Er.

What I can’t wrap my unwashed head around is the lack of urgency.  We have been receiving drought threats since 2016 – there was more than enough time to put contingency plans in place or execute the plans they supposedly had in place.

Ma nee, hulle vriet mos die land se geld op. Cape Town is in a critical but stable condition. And now we are just stably fucked.

But it’s too late to blame government. Too late to blame grown people in Parkwood for filling plastic pools for the whole Blackbird Avenue to come splash in. Too late to blame parents in Bonteheuwel for allowing their kids to still play with water guns and water balloons. Or the aunty around the corner who still uses her hose pipe.

The world might be set to end in June, but Armageddon comes for the Western Cape on April 12th.

And with people like the EFF around, we are definitely in for anarchy and chaos. This time they will be throwing shit around because you can’t flush it.

photo: EWN

Somewhere on the Cape Flats a taanie shouts to her teenage son:

“Hou op kak sing en maak kla, da isi water ini land nie,”

Oh, but there is. The rest of the country is flooded with thunder storms and heavy rain – because the ANC is in power.  And you didn’t even need to pay me R500 000 to tell you that.

On a serious note, we should be saving water regardless of a drought or an empty dam or government’s negligence.  There are plenty of tips around for you.  Helen Moffet has been saving, collecting, compiling so that we don’t have to:  1001 Water tips

The Violence Never Stops: Kill The Who?

A week ago thousands of South Africans marched against the ongoing farm murders in a campaign called “Black Monday”.  Now I personally don’t believe in marching and protesting to spread or bring awareness to anything– the government is well aware, and in some cases, they are the problem in my opinion.

But out of all the negativity that we extracted from ‘Black Monday’ we forgot to pay attention to the fact that nobody broke down, burnt or destroyed anything. Yet, ‘Black Monday’ came under scrutiny for being called ‘BLACK Monday’. How racist, right? Would it have been any ‘less racist’ had it been titled White Monday? Probably not.

In my COLOURED opinion - since you might be wondering -  I honestly believe that no matter what we call a collective of predominately white people marching against farm murders that are probably committed by predominately black people it would have been called racist.

***

South Africa has been a divided nation since before 1994 for obvious reasons. But I feel our situation now is much worse. The apartheid regime may no longer be in ‘constitutional effect’ but it is active. It seems to me that the ANC has for a long time been trying to ‘turn the tables’. Perhaps they wanted power but not to abolish apartheid and be Ubuntu and a Rainbow Nation. Perhaps they wanted power as a result of the entitlement that they felt - so that they may in turn be the oppressor. Perhaps a rather clouded observation but let’s not dwell. I might be just as inaccurate as the farm murder stats.

Which brings me to ‘Kill The Boer, Kill the Farmer’ – a song Zuma and Julius Malema chanted and danced to. A song that was regarded as hate speech and unconstitutional by the Equality court and the very song that Gwede Mantashe defended by saying the above statement is impractical and un-implementable. Yet in the 6 years that followed farmers, their families and their workers are being attacked and killed.  

Why was the singing of a song banned when the words have become a reality?

At the beginning of the month DA, ANC and EFF members chanted this song again as a WHITE man appeared in court for raping his BLACK domestic worker. “Shoot the boere, they are rapists”.

How come nobody chanted to shoot Zuma when he was accused of rape? 

Because he took a shower afterwards?

So it’s okay for a BLACK man to still run and steal from a country after he has been accused of rape but a WHITE man should be shot?

Good to know.

Coloured and Black people are killing each other – and allegedly farmers – everyday. Children are going missing, they are brutally murdered (see part one and two) by their uncles, their boarders, their parents. Do we chant general statements such as ‘Kill the Parents’, ‘Kill the Uncles’, ‘Kill the Coloureds’, ‘Kill the Blacks?’

Let me know if you have heard that. And for anyone who wants to comment that ‘Kill the Boer’ is an apartheid song, please leave now – and go write a new one.

But sass aside, the point that I am trying to make: Why when a white person commits a crime, they are grouped as a collective? Why didn’t they call for this particular man to be shot or killed as is done when a child is killed or raped? You know who the alleged is and his name is not ‘the boere.’

So soon our violent nation will go hungry because all the farmers are being killed – because Malema said so? No wonder Kwazulu – Natal has resorted to cannibalism.

As a PERSON, I condemn the killing of any man, women or child regardless of race, of skin colour, religion or creed.

-    - Distressed Citizen