Countdown to (Day) Zero

And as the water runs over my face and into my mouth, I realise that one day this will be coming from a desalination plant. Extracted from the ocean with a possible dose of residual kak. 

You’d be surprised at the speed of thought during a 90-minute shower.

***

Day Zero looms over Cape Town like a nuclear strike threat from North Korea.  And just like Kim Jung-un, Provincial Government warn that it’s imminent.

Water is becoming a scarce commodity. With only 50 litres of water per person a day, you’re left with a choice between hydration and hygiene, or drinking your bath water. A bottle of sparkling Valpre is the new bubbly. If you smaak a cider, the lemon flavoured Aquelle is lekker.

We are now down to two one-and-a-half -minute showers and the rest of the week you may take a ‘cowboy splush’ - you know; tits, pits and naughty bits. Household fights are now about who gets to kak first, laaste man trek die chain. Everyone’s bowel movements are now in sync, and hopefully not in sink.

So why has National Government done fokkol to assist the situation in Cape Town? The David Icke in me says that it’s because the DA is in charge.  And for a long time Zuma has been trying to get those sticky fingers on the Western Cape, hinting at witch craft and ghosts voting for the DA.

And trouble is brewing in the party. The alliances aren’t democratic behind the scenes ne. Airing their dirty laundry in the midst of a ‘disaster’ - as Helen is now so quick to call it. The same Helen Zille whose home allegedly exceeded the daily consumption limit by over 200 litres per person not too long ago and then claimed she has a natural spring running under her house.  Er.

What I can’t wrap my unwashed head around is the lack of urgency.  We have been receiving drought threats since 2016 – there was more than enough time to put contingency plans in place or execute the plans they supposedly had in place.

Ma nee, hulle vriet mos die land se geld op. Cape Town is in a critical but stable condition. And now we are just stably fucked.

But it’s too late to blame government. Too late to blame grown people in Parkwood for filling plastic pools for the whole Blackbird Avenue to come splash in. Too late to blame parents in Bonteheuwel for allowing their kids to still play with water guns and water balloons. Or the aunty around the corner who still uses her hose pipe.

The world might be set to end in June, but Armageddon comes for the Western Cape on April 12th.

And with people like the EFF around, we are definitely in for anarchy and chaos. This time they will be throwing shit around because you can’t flush it.

photo: EWN

Somewhere on the Cape Flats a taanie shouts to her teenage son:

“Hou op kak sing en maak kla, da isi water ini land nie,”

Oh, but there is. The rest of the country is flooded with thunder storms and heavy rain – because the ANC is in power.  And you didn’t even need to pay me R500 000 to tell you that.

On a serious note, we should be saving water regardless of a drought or an empty dam or government’s negligence.  There are plenty of tips around for you.  Helen Moffet has been saving, collecting, compiling so that we don’t have to:  1001 Water tips

A gangwar a day keeps the government away. Stry, Bullet.

 How many stray bullets does it take to kill an innocent bystander?

Just one.

(Clearly, our men are aimless. And the pun isn't me poking fun at a serious situation.)

How many mothers have had to bury their children? Regardless of age, how many of them have had to bury their children as a direct cause of gang wars on the Flats?

Baby Zhania, Aqeel Davids and Zinadene Pelton to name a FEW. Ashline Telmarks survived but she might never walk again.

66 children have been killed in the Western Cape so far this year with most of them dying as a result of gang violence. That’s an average of 8 children a month.  See if you can wrap your head around that. Do you know 8 children?

Communities live in constant fear of their lives; you don’t even have to leave the house. Aqeel Davids was sitting in his lounge. And all because gangs are at war with each other over who gets to screw over the people on the Flats. The very communities they were brought up in. Fighting over ‘territory’, revenge and retaliation… but can’t even hit their intended target.

(I don’t believe that anyone truly OWNS land. It’s not yours, was never yours, and was here before you arrived- you’re a borrower)

What I don’t understand is how when gang bosses own so much already; taxi’s, franchises, night clubs and a list of things I am not mentioning – these kids are still running the streets killing each other –or trying to. Putting innocent lives at risk and killing others in the crossfire so they can ‘own’ an area. Anyone who tries to open up a business gets extorted. Your tuck-shop isn’t exempt; you need to pay 'tax'.

TAX?!

To protect me from YOU?

Yes.

And I have seen the cops stop at the merchant to pick up their tax. The generosity goes both ways; police ‘kernels’ sell guns to gangsters and only get 18 years in prison for contributing to the deaths of countless people on the Flats because he wanted to make some cash.

How do we put an end to this madness when it has gone this far? We talk about how us 90s kids used to play in the road and how today’s kids have cellphones and tablets.  But they can’t even play in the street without having to run in every time the shots ring. I honestly couldn't distinguish the sound of a gunshot until a few months ago. I’m 28. How ironic… 28.

I was in Bonteheuwel and it was 10:30 on a weekday.  Clap..clap..clap… the only thing that confirmed it for me: Immediately after I heard the shots a mother called in her children who were already running inside. Someone got hit and it wasn't the target.

 Prison has for a long time not been a solution. That’s the Head Quarters. Laptops and KFC, DSTV and R35000 salaries while incarcerated. Lest we forget the strippers: A Youth Day ‘treat’.  A modern day Gangster’s Paradise. But what do you expect the toilet to look like if the ‘cabinet’ is dirty? The ministers are either splurging the country’s money or going to prison and still getting paid with the country’s money. Our President had over 700 criminal charges against him yet he still gets to spend R6 million of the country’s money on erecting a statue with his face on it.

Money that could have been used to fund the gang units that were discussed 3 years ago. 

It seems that our people were dumped here just to be forgotten and abandoned despite who is in power.  Will the Flats ever be rid of gangsterism and violence?

Before you answer, remember:

#YOURlivesdontmatter