Beat It! - 16 Days Of Activism

My high school Afrikaans teacher gave us an interesting lesson one day that I have carried with me ever since. The book we were reading contained an abusive husband. Mrs. Brown said something along the lines of “If he lays his hands on you let him. But tonight when he goes to bed you warm yourself a large pot of oil and once its lekker warm, you pour it over his manhood.” Tsek!

It wasn’t part of the curriculum and what you do afterwards is up to you. But it would definitely guarantee that he won’t dare lay a finger on you again. And we were tog all taught that boys don’t hit girls from a young age.

In South Africa, a woman is killed by her intimate partner every 4 to 8 hours depending who you ask. This is the most leading cause of death among South African females. The femicide rate is 4 times the global average.  Up to 40% of pregnant women are physically abused.

In the midst of 16 Days of Activism, our 2017 idols runner up Mthokozisi Ndaba is accused of assaulting a woman over a bottle of vodka that didn't even belong to him. I’m not saying that he is guilty or that he assaulted anyone but what pissed me off is what he said in his press release when he eventually came out of hiding.

 “...We do not know what issues she may be dealing with…”

 Insinuating that the woman has issues and chose to falsely accuse him of assault because she couldn’t deal with her emotional woes.

And how many females can say that a man has said that about or directly to them?

‘dai’s n mal ding man’

‘jy’s siek in jou kop in’

‘Dai goose is befok’

I’ve had those things said to me because I wouldn’t allow my cousin’s friends to call me names and taunt me. I’ve heard those things because I stood up for myself. I’ve heard those things in relationships and in conversations from one bra to another.

He’s being accused of something and she must be crazy.

The very woman that you have driven in sane with your bullshit has now turned ‘crazy’ because she isn’t putting up your kak any longer and has turned sterk gevriet.

While my dysfunctional relationship didn’t require a pot of hot oil I wasn’t going to stand being called ‘mal’ every time I pointed out something that required addressing. I wasn’t going to deal with the silent treatment because he didn’t feel like talking about issues in our relationship. I sure as hell wasn’t going to allow our daughter to witness constant bickering and fighting between two parents who clearly weren’t getting along anymore.

I don’t want to call it ‘abuse’ because our fights were almost mutual. I was never a battered woman. I never walked around with physical scars - besides a busted lip on one occasion. I defended myself, with whatever was closest. But let’s face it.

Our first physical fight happened when I was 3 months pregnant. He only stopped because I screamed and started crying so I could grab the broomstick.  I was still pregnant when I received that broken lip. Which he tried to sooth with glycerine afterwards while telling me it was my fault. Giving “Botter deur jou bek smee” a new meaning. The argument was about cleaning the damn room. I was a single mother before I had even given birth – in a relationship. Weekends were about lamming and suiping with brasse and then sleeping when he got back to where he left his pregnant girlfriend to do house work.  And the fights would ensue because he wanted to tiep and I wouldn’t let him.

There were occasions where my parents had to intervene because my daughter would be left traumatised.  We’d have fights in the middle of the night. After three years I had decided that I wanted out – so I got out.  But even after four years of singlehood I wasn’t allowed to move on when he threatened suicide and cut up my clothes when I found someone new. Even after all the women he has been with, all the dick pics he has sent and females who have insulted me because I was the mother of his child, he still felt I belonged to him.

Luckily my story is different because three years later I am free. For some women the abuse is constant. For some women the abuse ends in death. Women like Mananki  Annah Boys, Nicola Pienaar, Karabo Mokoena and Aviwe Jam Jam whose husbands and boyfriends took ‘ownership’ and subsequently their lives.

The Violence Continues: Killing the Future (Part 2)

No, unfortunately it isn't over. Believe me when I say I want to move on.

Today is Friday, 27 October 2017. At least one child has died as a result of abuse and neglect since my last post. A child dies as a result of abuse and neglect every three days. Like the five-year-old boy whose father was released from prison after beating him the first time. Let that sink in.

Meanwhile, 10 year old Chanelle McCrawl from Manenberg was raped by her uncle and his friend and dumped in a ditch where her grandmother found her a day later, neck broken.

Pretend your mind is quicksand.

***

I witnessed this over the weekend; a little boy about 2 or 3 years of age lagging a few meters from his mother holding his newborn sibling. She only turns around because she is already half way across the street. As if she expected him to be walking next to her she starts shouting: “Now I am gonna fucken moer you, he don’t listen…”

She walks back over the road still shouting.

“Must I hit you?”

“Must I hit you?”

And as undisciplined, neglected children do, he starts screaming. A high pitched shrill after each threat.

“I’m gonna hit you!”

“aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh”

“Nogie eens pak gekry nie ma jy huil…”

“aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh”

You’re probably still wondering why I've referred to him as ‘undisciplined’ and ‘neglected’.  I don’t see anything wrong with spanking your children. I just don’t see that as discipline. I have never hit my daughter, but she is well aware of what acceptable behavior is and why.

Now imagine what that kid goes through at home if his mother treats him this way in the street. Another thing I have seen; these kids live on properties where there are up to four or more separate families living. Running around barely clothed or dressed in dirty, raggedy hand-me-downs.

At least wipe his nose!

The moment he does something he shouldn't have done – because he doesn't know any better – you want to beat him to a pulp because he 'don't listen.’ What was there to listen to in the first place when he was never told that a specific action is wrong? What was there to listen to when all he hears are the words ‘lollie’,’tjoef’,’jou ma se…’ (Most mothers say this to their own children) and the clinking of Black Label bottles every time you skarreled a kroon.

Stop making laities. Please. You know you are broke and struggling. Stop at number one. Or don’t start at all. Out of all the things that the government does not provide, you have access to FREE condoms (they are flavored now) and other methods of contraception for females.

You might not have (a) CHOICE anymore, but you have Max. And since you like free shit like SASSA you can definitely do with a Max. DO IT with Max. Same goes for Dumper Mommies.

This may be a typical case on the Flats. But not all murdered children come from poor homes. The biggest cause of death for children under the age of five is either as a result of abuse or being dumped. Wrapped and dumped like the baby who was sniffed out by dogs or the frozen body of an infant found in Strand earlier this month.

And this while mothers who give birth at 27 weeks or less have no rights and have to refer to their children as “Medical Waste” – yes, they get DUMPED too. However, “Would you like to keep your placenta?”

Anyway, ranting aside. Let’s conclude;

On the one hand parents have to work and earn a living for their kids and risk that they may come home to hear that the child is missing and inevitably murdered by the neighbor or boarder. And on the other hand we have parents abusing their children to the point that they eventually kill them or they go out with the trash.

In essence, we live in a country where we can neither keep our children safe inside or outside.

The so-called future is fading.

We as a people are failing.

Pretend your mind is a doekie and wrap it around that.

PS. Beating your child is illegal now.