This is Kat. This is her daily struggle.
“Last week a guy was staring at me on the train. Less than a metre away and he was the fourth or fifth guy to do so but he was closer than the rest so I asked him if I knew him. I was pretty angry at this point so I explained that he was the last straw but it's early in the morning and I don't want to feel angry so we'll end the conversation with a polite greeting. He proceeded to talk to me again on the station after the train conversation about him making me uncomfortable and I just answered him because I wasn't prepared with a fire back and I was too tired to summon a threat.
Today he sat right in front of me and proceeded to stare again, watching me read. Eventually, I point out that I could see him even though I'm wearing shades and he laughs like my issue was amusing to him. I got off and walk my way. My hair is tied back because men touch me when it's out. It's hot but I'm wearing a loose fitting high collared hoodie with thick pants and no make-up or noticeable brands.
I've gotten used to dressing this way because it gives me a small amount of freedom that others have. I'm enjoying the morning sun and children laughing nearby when I feel a finger tap my shoulder. I turn around expecting to see an old friend but it's the last person I want to see. The creep from the train. I'm not sure what to think because I'm sure he goes the other way and I asked him that, asking if he followed me here and why he's stalking me. His response is that I'm stalking him because I know which way he goes but it's pretty obvious that womxn assess the movements of men to avoid these situations.
I don't know what to say. This guy followed me and now he's asking for a formal introduction. I told him that I'm not interested and that he needs to leave me alone. Can't he see that I'm freaked the fuck out? He seems confused and I decide to show some empathy and explain what's happening.
I identify a traumatic experience that most people who travel have endured and then I explain with some difficulty that every time a man catcalls, follows me or touches me I experience that feeling from things that have happened to me before. He asks how I deal with it and I say that every day travelling and walking in the street is torture, I just try not to hear or see them. Then at a crossing he asks me which way I'm going. I said that there's no way I would tell him that and when I asked if he understood why it's not advisable to hit on womxn I'm the street he defended lonely men. When I explained that coloured men harass me every day and he triggered me, he defended his demographic saying that it's obvious that coloured men are attracted to me because I am coloured i.e. this excuses sexual harassment. I shouldn't be surprised, I've experienced this vileness from strange men all the time. As I'm trying to explain trauma in a different way, he interrupts me and asks for my number.
I told him to fuck off and walked away. He walked off but them changed direction after seeing mine. I slowed down, inching my way down the road to create distance.
Last week Friday I nearly got into a physical fight with another coloured guy on the train who became aggressive and started threatening me after I repeatedly asked him to leave me alone. That same day an elderly coloured man caressed my arm and asked me to stay on the train with him. The reason I didn't fight them is because I know that bystanders would defend them and hurt me instead.
So, I don't know what to do anymore. Earphones and sunglasses don't work in this area. Probably makes me more of a target. When I talk about and point out rape culture in coloured families and communities people get defensive, aggressive and resort to gaslighting. No-one backs you up, the nice guys go quiet.
I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting these men. I'm tired of reasoning with them. I'm tired of their existence. I'm tired of mine. Travelling via taxi and train and exhausting my anxiety for so many years. Having to hide it every day because people with cars say you're just playing the victim and this is South Africa and you should be more vigilant.
Because of course we're not vigilant, feeling like we'll be attacked every morning and afternoon, every working day of the year.
#menaretrash "
-Kat, Cape Town
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