Listeria Hysteria – why Russians aren't your only concern

#polonymustfall

Now there’s a hash tag set to piss people off.

We've been getting Listeriosis warnings for months now; overcook your food, wash it thoroughly with your 50 liters of water, even if it looks and tastes right doesn't mean you should eat it. 

This is the kak the media has been feeding us for 14 months while government tries to trace the source of listeria. Fourteen months. Listeriosis can kill you almost five times over in that time.

And then it happens; there is a big crash and the earth splits beneath the feet of South Africans. The great Polony, the staple food of our nation - has fallen.

 It’s cheap, convenient and kak versatile. We can have polony with anything; Just so on the bread, sometimes we add mayo. Once die SASSA in is sit jy lettuce and tomato en sliced cheese op – which can probably also kill you. Polony in the pan, polony in your mac and cheese, polony on your Gatsby, polony in your smoortjie, polony on your vetkoek. Lekker dikgevriet aan Shoprite se ou rolls met Russians op. And now you might have to wait up to 70 days before you find out if it’s going to kill you.

Vegetarians be like “Os het julle gewarn.”

“Hou jou bek, bokkie. Vriet jou blare”

White slime… that funky stuff on your polony once it has been in the fridge too long. People are acting surprised now, jy het dai kak gesien. Call it like you see it. Ground up chicken bone keeping your polony together – and cheaper.

“But this isn’t the confirmed cause of Listeriosis, it’s just a theory.”

So, it doesn’t matter that Peter Bambatha Matlare is making millions off feeding South Africans crap while he skimps on production costs and apparently safety and sanitary as well?  

But mass meat production has been questionable for years. Even more so after the 2013 horse-meat scandal. Now there is not only horse in your wors but Listeria in your polony. Not to mention the occasional bird flu season.

Your mince isn't supposed to contain any bone or cartilage and fat content shouldn't be more than 30%. But what have you been paying through your nose for? Vetterige horse hoof juice with some beef, maybe. Frikkadel will never taste the same again.

The definition of ‘food security’ has evolved along with technology. If you are still alive 71 days after consumption, you’re good to go.

The moral of the story: If your food is killing you, life just got shorter. 

PS - According to a UK study, eating 50g of processed meat a day can increase your risk of heart disease. So with or without Listeria present, polony is not your friend, it’s killing you.

PPS – White Slime was found to be the cause of the Mad Cow Disease outbreak in 1986.