This is Warren's story.
A bit after my Mother married - with my Father still using vanishing cream - I dreamed him up on a pedestal with all kinds of outlandish excuses to why he was non-existent in my life. That needless to say pissed new daddy off very much.
Now he was a habitual drunk and a mean guy of note, the kind of mean guy, mean guys steer clear of so as not to develop any health issues. He would be on his way home and we could hear the profanities announcing his imminent arrival - and of course what I can only describe as another court session if his profanities weren't in a jovial tone. We we're kind of scared shitless.
With me and my Mom getting knocked about, I was lucky enough to have met a couple of guys who showed me that it wasn't normal or right and got to see what their parents were like. But this wasn't enough.
I grew up into fast becoming an habitual drunk myself (just like step dad) and settled my score with him by checking out my new steel-toe boots against his head - which opened up more problems than the public protector's report on Nkandla did for Zuma.
On realising the path I was on I turned skeptical and depressed and hid it in a veneer of joviality and being the party guy who was the joker and a roughneck if things didn't go my way (which was always the right way in my view).
A failed relationship brought me to a cross road. We all had them, that one person you put your love, faith and trust in. Then they go screw the neighbour's husband. Needless to say I was miffed; I was actually thinking of murdering them, raping his kids and dealing with the fall out. I am eternally grateful I didn't act on my anger.
But that's how much rage I had. I would've bulldozed anyone who thought of standing in my way and I don't mean just beating ‘em up.
There is one incident I loath to write about because this was the single most "traumatic" experience in my life with myself being the pig in the story.
I was involved with a friend of mine's sister, or that's how it played out in my head. One day while we we're alone I thought I'll be showing her how much I "loved" her - I really believed I was doing that...to the point I didn't hear or wanted to hear her “no”. Then as I took off her panties believing she would enjoy me if she would just relax, she asked me, "Do you know if you go ahead with this its rape?"
I was punched in the soul. I dressed immediately and all I could come up was a mumbled ‘sorry’ and never returned. That was a place of me being at my worst; almost changing (if not changed) someone's experience with men, love, trust, sense of security, and confidence - irrevocably for the worst.
Our men and boys need to be taught where the line blurs and crosses. Ignorance is not an excuse but it is a dangerous thing for all affected. We need to look at the family structure and change accordingly. I think much more than just being the financial backbone men have to open up more, work with their partners because they not working for you, plan with them because they shouldn't be taking orders from you. Romance them because you want to be loved and respected. Not feared and obeyed because you instill it.
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